I love good TV, but I REALLY HATE bad TV, and boy is there a lot of that going around these days. It was hard to narrow it down, but here are five shows that will lower your IQ drastically if you watch them (although if you do watch and enjoy any of these your IQ probably wasn’t that high to begin with).
Where to begin? I hate this fucking show more than I hate soccer (and I HATE soccer). Here is a short list of things I would rather do than watch Jersey Shore:
- eat broken glass
- get AIDS
- eat broken glass while getting AIDS
They should call this show “Eight Fuckheaded Douchebags on a Beach”. They’re like animals; they like to work out, party, and fuck. That’s it, and the sad part of it is that these assholes are frigging HEROES to some kids. I know what some of you are saying, “But I watch the show BECAUSE they’re assholes, and it’s soooo funny, I wanna see what they’re gonna do next”. Fuck that, every time you watch Jersey Shore two things happen: a book dies and you put money in these dickhole’s pockets. They don’t deserve to be rich or famous; they deserve to suck dick for heroin and die young in a ditch.
Don’t worry; none of the other entries on this list will be as vitriolic as the first. Actually, this show wouldn’t be all that bad (I like Johnny Galecki and the blonde is hot) if it weren’t for one thing: that freak Sheldon. Rarely have I seen a character less likable than this condescending, creepy weirdo. If was walking down the street with my daughter and I saw that twitchy douche approaching I’d hold her hand tighter and cross the street to avoid him. I don’t understand why people like him so much.
Here’s another IQ killer. First of all, the scripts are nothing but poorly recycled sex jokes from countless other (and mostly better, probably) sitcoms. Second, I’m sick of Charlie Sheen; we know you love coke and hookers, Charlie, enough already. Third, Jon Cryer is SUCH an irritating, nerdy whiny little bitch (hey, maybe they can have a spinoff where him and Big Bang’s Sheldon get together…although that would probably make my head explode).
Fourth, the kid, whatever the fuck his name is, has the personality and acting ability of drywall. His monotone delivery has as much emotion as a speech by Stephen Hawking. Last but not least, Ashton fucking Kutcher. He was funny on That 70s Show, I’ll give him that. I started hating him when Punk’d came out. He’d introduce each prank by screaming at the camera while wearing his cocked douchey trucker cap and waving his arms around like a spastic monkey. He’d actually probably fit in well with the Jersey Shore mongoloids.
Let’s start with the show itself: when the hell did being a fucking nerd become desirable and/or cool? Most of the shows on this list feature a nerd in a starring role; why? Didn’t we make these people’s lives hell in high school for a reason? I also hate musicals and I’m definitely not into groups of teenagers singing popular songs. If you’re a straight adult male and you DO like this, I’m pretty sure NAMBLA is still looking for members (find the website yourself, I’m not providing a link to THAT shit).
Then we have Jane Lynch. She’d be my favorite actress ever if I had a fetish for giraffes. She is such an unpleasant and annoying ballbreaker; she reminds me of my high school gym teacher. Hey, actually, that’s probably why I can’t stand her, deeply buried issue resolved.
Glee still fucking sucks, though.
5. Sons of Anarchy
I’m just fucking kidding, Sons is the best fucking show on TV; I’m disappointed every week when the episode is over. Not only are you a moron if you DON’T like this show, you’re probably a big fan of all the other shows on this list.